This New Internet Thing, Chapter 19

The Best Thanksgiving Ever

I wrote a book. The publication date is May 29, 2024 (if you’d rather not deal with Amazon, your bookstore can also order it from the distributor Ingram Spark, or print-on-demand if they have the equipment). You can read it for free here, although it’ll be in serial form. My fond hope is that you’ll find it so compelling that you just buy the book instead of waiting 8 months to see what happens. There will be a chapter each week, 33 in all.

In Chapter 18 (notes are here), Janet breaks the news to Dan that she’s given up management, Len quizzes here on the current tech investing scene, and Matt and Miriam have that Divorce Talk. In this chapter, the gang all gathers at Walt & Janet’s house for Thanksgiving. It turns out there was a famous football game that day, which I’d forgotten about

If you didn’t read The Big Bucks, this will serve as some backstory for you. How did a building contractor end up married to a rising Silicon Valley executive, anyway?

Reading in serial form has a long and honorable history. My cover artist sent me this “Read Like a Victorian” website. Enjoy.

==================== The Best Thanksgiving Ever ================

Len thought it would be a great idea to come down to Janet and Walt’s house for Thanksgiving, 1993. They didn’t have any other family to invite, but maybe she could get her friends together, and make them bring food. As far as he knew, most of them didn’t have family in the area either.

Janet thought that would be fun. They’d been having Thanksgiving dinner with Walt’s family, whom she liked, but they could always do Christmas dinner instead this year. She called Walt’s plumber friend Pete, and he and Barbara agreed immediately.

Cassie’s mom was down in Simi Valley, only a six hour drive, but she was tired of I-5 and she’d be down there at Christmas anyway, so she was in. Dan and Matt were in, too. Janet wasn’t too surprised when Matt said that Miriam wouldn’t be coming.

Dan was assigned the salad, Cassie the biscuits, and Matt the wine, so they all had pretty easy cooking tasks. Barbara of course volunteered to bring her chocolate and strawberry cake, since that was such a hit the last time they’d had dinner.

Len brought some fish he’d caught and kept in the freezer. This was not exactly a traditional Thanksgiving dish, but hey, they were in California, he explained. Janet said they’d have that on Friday instead of turkey leftovers, which made them all happy.

Janet called Walt’s mom Lenore to ask her how to cook a turkey, since she’d never done it before. Lenore told her a 10-12 pound bird should be more than enough for eight people with plenty to spare if they got some last-minute drop-ins, so she bought one and put it in the fridge to defrost on Saturday. She wasn’t sure if even Dad cared for all the traditional side dishes Mom used to make, so she skipped the green bean casserole and the sweet potatoes.

Thanksgiving arrived. Janet put the turkey in the oven around 10:30 am. Len was assigned the mashed potatoes, so he had plenty of time and sat in front of the TV watching football. Walt had the challenging task of opening the cans of cranberry sauce, and he fired up his chainsaw just to make Janet nervous.

Dan arrived first with his salad. Janet said,

“Oh, wow, what’s that?”

“This is walnut, pear, and Gorgonzola salad from The Savory Way, which is a cookbook by Deborah Madison. She was a founder of Greens up in the City!”

“Oh, yeah, Walt and I went there once. It was wonderful. Didn’t she write The Greens Cookbook?”

“Yeah, those are restaurant-level recipes. This book is more my speed.”

“Jeez, I hope you’re not a vegetarian, Dan!”

“No, no, no. I just took her class down at Esalen. It sounded fun.”

“Well, it looks wonderful. Why don’t you grab something to drink and go visit with Dad.”

Dan took a beer from the fridge and joined Len on the couch. They shook hands.

“Dan, good to see you again! Are you keeping busy?”

“Trying to, Len. How are you and the Internet getting along?”

Len laughed. “It’s a damn firehose, I always say. Once in a while I manage to get a drink from it.”

They talked about the game, which featured Dan’s team, the Bears, vs. Len’s, the Lions. The Bears were winning, which Dan tactfully refrained from gloating about. They were both looking forward to the big game of the day, Miami vs. Dallas. It was freezing in Dallas and there was snow falling, so a fun game was expected.

Cassie arrived with some buttermilk biscuits that were almost fully baked, so they just needed another minute or two in the oven. Pete and Barbara came with the cake. Matt came with the wine, which Janet put in the fridge. They all gathered in the living room and watched the game absent-mindedly. Janet had nothing further to do in the kitchen for a while, so she joined them and said,

“Thank you all for joining us for Thanksgiving, everyone! All the food looks yummy. Does anyone need anything?” No one did.

Len raised his glass. “Let’s drink to our hostess and her handsome husband for inviting us!” Everyone agreed.

Pete said, “I think the last time I saw all of you was at the wedding.”

Walt answered, “Wait, how can you remember any of that? Didn’t Barbara have to drive you home?” 

Barbara said, “I think we poured him into the car.” Everyone laughed.

Janet said, putting her arm around Walt, “Everyone here except for Dad had some part in getting Walt and me together. Actually, even Dad, in a way.”

Len said, “Wait, what did I do?”

“You gave your approval, remember?”

Len didn’t. Janet continued, “I don’t think Dad’s heard all this story before! Who wants to start?”

Pete said, “Well, I was the one who swerved the boat and threw them into each other's arms, so I get to go first! Or last.”

Walt said, “Good thing you did, because I was about to punch you.”

Barbara said to Pete, “Anyway, I was the one who called Cassie to set up that trip!”

“Wait, how did you two even know each other?”

“We didn’t. I read her phone number off your notepad.”

Cassie said, “Couldn’t you just dial *69?”

“We didn’t have that yet.”

Pete said, “Anyway, if you hadn’t messed up with Janet, it would have happened before at the dance lesson.”

Janet said, “Hang on, what? What dance lesson?”

Cassie owned up, “At Cubberley. Pete was bringing Walt, and I was supposed to bring you. It was my fault.”

Walt said, “That’s it, you are never getting any work from me again, Pete!”

Pete raised his hands in surrender.

“Anyhow, you got to dance with Cassie all night, so it worked out.”

Janet said, “Well, this is getting interesting. I’m not sure I want to hear all this.”

Walt said, “She did teach me pretty good, you have to admit that.”

Len had been taking all this in. Finally he jumped in,

“So Cassie had to teach you to dance, Walt? A grown man who doesn’t know how to dance? Kids these days!”

Janet ignored that. “What I want to know is: how did all this start? I wasn’t exactly begging for a fixup.”

Matt, Dan, and Cassie all looked at each other. Finally Matt spoke up.

“I think Miriam and I might have had something to do with that.”

At that name, Walt winced. Len just enjoyed the show.

“I’m sure Walt remembers our kitchen remodeling job.”

Walt said, “As much as I try to forget it.”

“It was not going well. My soon-to-be ex-wife and Walt were not on very good terms, let’s just say.”

Janet went into the kitchen to check on the turkey. Walt looked like he had something to say, but he stayed silent.

Matt continued, “Janet was the one who referred us to Walt, and she apparently was taking it all personally.”

Dan added, “A little too personally!”

Janet yelled back from the kitchen, “I heard that!”

Cassie laughed out loud. Len said,

“Now this I haven’t heard before. Walt, was this before or after I met you at that hardware store?”

Walt had no idea.

“So it was yet another Remodeling Job from Hell that we have to thank for all this?”

Dan said, “I guess when one door closes, another door opens. As it were.”

Len ignored him and asked Matt, “And then what happened?”

Matt said, “You mean about the remodeling, or about Janet?”

“Both, I guess, but mostly Janet.”

“Well, Miriam fired Walt and I paid him what we owed. She wanted to sue, and she never forgave me for that. You notice I called her my ‘soon-to-be’ ex-wife. “

Walt really looked like he was holding back something.

Cassie said, “We had the idea of getting them together at a dance lesson, since Walt was going to be Best Man at Pete’s wedding and he’d need to dance at the reception.”

Barbara grabbed Pete’s arm at the memory of their wedding.

Len was confused now. “But wait. How would you know Pete? Did he work on your house, too, Matt?”

“No, but Dan knew him.”

Janet put the turkey on the table and said, “I hate to break this up, but dinner’s ready!”

Walt said, “To be continued. Never.” They all sat down at the table.

The food was excellent. Everyone complimented Dan and Cassie for the salad and the biscuits. Barbara’s chocolate-strawberry cake was fantastic, of course. As they were drinking coffee afterwards, Len said, “So, change of subject, if you’re not all sick of work talk?”

No one was. He continued, “So has anyone changed jobs since I saw you last? It’s so hard to keep track of you techie types.”

Walt said, “Not me. Same old shit here.”

Cassie said, “I went to Palm, but I’ve talked to you since then.”

Janet said, “I gave up managing, but I think you all heard about that.”

Matt replied, “Oh yeah, how’s that going? How do you like the life of a peon?”

“It’s such a relief. I come home, and I know what I accomplished today.”

Cassie sighed. “Once in a while I have that. Usually it’s someone else who gets that feeling.”

Len asked, “Why’s that?”

“Oh, I get a bug report, try and reproduce it, give it to the right engineer, and maybe eventually they fix it. Then I mark it fixed, and I might even call back Casio or Tandy if it’s a high priority bug. Rinse and repeat.”

Len said, “That’s it? That’s your job?”

Pete roused himself and said, “That’s why they get the big bucks, Len, like I always say. You and I couldn’t do that.”

Dan said, “Or wouldn’t want to.”

Len continued, “And Matt and Dan? Still at Oracle?”

Dan answered for both of them. “Yup. It’s nice to have one clear goal in life: make Larry Ellison richer.”

Cassie said, “So is it really as much of a sweatshop as we’re always hearing?”

“Nah. Maybe some parts of it are. It depends who your VP is.” 

Matt nodded. “Porter was pretty cool, and that carries over even after he’s gone.” No one but Janet knew who Porter was, so she explained it to them. 

They all cleared the table, threw out the scraps, rinsed the dishes, put them in the dishwasher, and then retired to the living room. Len put the TV on, and the Dallas-Miami game was at halftime. Dan said, “What’s that white stuff? Is there something wrong with your TV?”

Pete said, “I believe that’s called ‘snow’, Dan. I think I read about that once.”

Len said, “I didn’t get to hear the whole story of this boat trip, or whatever it was. Finish it, Janet!” Dan and Matt agreed enthusiastically, since they hadn’t been there, either.

She muted the TV and was about to start, when Cassie patted the couch for Bernie to jump up. He sat on her lap and engulfed her, and Janet laughed and said, “I remember when Bernie kept Cassie and me warm, just like that!”

Barbara said, “We stopped, fished for a while, caught nothing, and Walt moved the boat again, and then we all started catching fish.”

Pete agreed, “That was a pretty good spot, wasn’t it?”

Walt remembered, “I think we all caught our limits within a half hour, didn’t we?”

Pete said, “I took the helm as we headed back in, so you two could be alone, I remember that part. We were sneaky, we were.”

Cassie looked around Bernie and laughed at the memory. “Barbara yanked me over to the other end of the boat.”

“I didn’t yank!” Barbara objected. “I encouraged you.”

Pete continued, “I kept an eye on the two of them, and we were almost back in port. Then something happened, I don’t know what… “

Janet looked embarrassed.

“But suddenly Walt looked at me and started walking towards the cabin, like he was going to punch me out or something. I had to think fast.”

Len asked, “Are we coming to the good part?”

Janet just smiled.

“So I cut the engine and turned the rudder hard right. Everything on the boat that wasn’t tied down went flying.”

Finally Janet decided to spare Walt any more embarrassment and took over.

“As luck would have it, he fell right into my arms.”

Len said, “Aw. My little girl knew just what to do?”

Walt said, “And I’m glad she did.” They hugged. Pete had a cassette in his pocket, and he put it in the tape player. The Way You Look Tonight, the Sinatra version, came on, and Walt and Janet started the foxtrot.

Pete took Barbara’s hand and the two of them joined in. Cassie got Bernie off her lap with some effort, and grabbed Dan’s hand. She said, “Come on, I want to see if you still remember what I taught you.” Dan groaned but stood up, and she went limp in his arms. She’d taught him how to lead by acting like a sack of potatoes, and it all came back to him.

Matt and Len looked at each other. Len said, “I guess you and I are stag tonight, Matt.” Matt moved over to the couch alongside Len.

After the song was over, Janet and her father danced. Len held back tears with some effort. Cassie and Matt took their turn.

Meanwhile, Dan watched the football game, and he went over and grabbed Len, who looked annoyed at first. Dan said, “It’s 14-13 Dallas with two minutes left, and Miami has the ball.”

Len excused himself and unmuted the TV. The field was covered in snow and Miami was practically on their own goal line. Pete stopped dancing and joined them, and Barbara said, “So they’re playing in the snow? Where is this, Buffalo or something?”

Pete laughed, “Dallas, dear. There’s only two minutes left, and it’s Dallas 14, Miami 13. That’s Miami in the green.”

Barbara said, “It snows in Dallas? Why don’t they just postpone the game?”

Pete answered without taking his eyes off the screen, “It’s football, dear. They play no matter what.”

The excitement got to her and she sat down to watch. Janet and Walt noticed and came over and sat down in front of the TV, too. Dan explained to Walt, “Dallas just missed a field goal. Miami has to at least get within field goal range.”

Janet asked Walt, “Who are we rooting for here?” He said, “Miami, of course. No one likes Dallas.” Dan agreed, “No one.”

Steve DeBerg, the Miami quarterback, completed some short passes. Then it was 4th and 1, deep in Miami territory. They couldn’t possibly punt; they had to go for it. Everyone held their breath, and DeBerg completed a very short pass, the receiver was tackled immediately, and the announcer said, “Byars is drilled! Did he get a yard?” He did. First down.

DeBerg completed another pass, down to the Miami 41-yard line. Leon Letts for Dallas almost intercepted a pass, which would have ended the game. 1:03 left in the game, and they were still too far for a field goal. Janet squeezed Walt’s thigh.

Another pass completed, to the Dallas 49. Then an incomplete pass, which stopped the clock. Pete Stoyanovich, their field goal kicker, warmed up on the sidelines for a chance at the game-winning kick. They were still too far away. They completed another pass, down to the 30-yard line, and called time out. With 21 seconds left, DeBerg completed another pass to Byars, who ran out of bounds at the 23-yard line to stop the clock. Stoyanovich came on to kick the field goal.

Pete said to Barbara, “If he makes this, Miami wins.” Janet said, “I usually don’t like football, but this… wow.”

The kick was blocked. The announcers said, “The Cowboys will win!” Jerry Jones, the Dallas owner, was shown triumphantly raising his arms. The stadium rocked.

But then: “Wait a minute, wait a minute!” Did Miami recover the ball in the Dallas endzone? 

The announcer said, “A Dallas player touched the ball, and then the Dolphins went on and recovered it!”

Len said, “Holy shit. Holy shit.” Then he caught himself. “Pardon my French, Janet.”

On the replay, they saw all the Dallas players waving each other off, since the ball was dead at that point. But Leon Lett, the same guy who’d dropped the interception earlier, slipped on the snow and touched it, which made it a live ball again! Miami recovered it on the 1-yard line. There were three seconds left. While the referees conferred, the Miami players cleared the ice off the patch of field where the ball would be held for the second field goal attempt. Finally, Stoyanovich kicked the field goal, and the Dolphins won.

They all looked at each other. Dan said, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like that before.” Len said, slowly, “What. A. Game. What. A. Game.” 

After they’d watched the replay a few dozen times, Janet turned off the TV. Everyone gathered up the dishes they brought. Janet tried without success to give away some turkey leftovers.

Cassie hugged Janet. “Thanks, Janet and Walt. This was the best Thanksgiving ever!” Everyone agreed.

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