The No-Smartphone Gym

If Only

A health club / boxing gym in an old neighborhood in Redwood City, California, is accidentally setting the Bay Area on fire. It’s showing the way to defeating smartphone addiction!

The owner of the Tanner Gym, Mike Tanner, says the club already has a 3-month waiting list for new members, and he is contemplating raising the monthly dues “to keep the yuppies under control,” as he puts it.

Tanner, a 60-ish man with thinning hair, still-impressive biceps, and a New Jersey accent, admitted that “the yuppies” and their money are making it possible for him to keep the gym open, so he can keep teaching neighborhood kids for free.

What don’t you see in this photo?

No smartphones! Mr. Tanner said his Gym is an old boxing club whose walls collapsed due to owner neglect. When he finally got his insurance settlement money, one of his students suggested he make the building a giant Faraday Cage. Mr. Tanner tells the story:

I said, “Farrah-who? What the <expletive> is that?” Then he told me it would block all cellphone signals, so the club wouldn’t need smartphone policies anymore; the phones just wouldn’t work! I said, “Unbelievable! Let’s do it!”

Mr. Tanner explained that the club runs an after-school program for poor kids where they do their homework and then they get to box, and the kids were constantly scrolling through their phones instead of doing schoolwork. He was getting exasperated.

Now they don’t need policies because the phones simply don’t work. Later he showed us a (demo) cross-section of their walls, with metallic grids which he says act as a giant Faraday cage. I was incredulous and asked, “So if someone’s trying to call me, my phone won’t even ring?” He nodded.

I was amazed. Just to check, I looked at my phone. It said, “No Internet service.” I had a momentary feeling of panic. Just then, he overheard something in one of the boxing rings and excused himself. One of the fighters was crawling to his feet, looking dazed, after apparently being knocked down. I wandered over to listen.

I was expecting Mike to help him up, administer first aid, comfort him, etc. Instead he seemed to transform into a different person! He grabbed the fighter’s arm, pulled him roughly over to the corner and yelled at him, half in Spanish and half in English. The English words I caught were

What the <expletive> did I tell you about staying inside, Luis? And yet you keep <expletive> doing this! He’s got the reach on you. You gotta stay inside! Now say it back to me!

Luis said,

Si, Mike. Stay inside!

Then he came back and apologized, becoming Mr. Tanner again. I had no idea how he knew what had happened in the ring or what Luis had done wrong.

Why Do People Work Out Here?

I couldn’t help noticing all the prosperous-looking people lifting free weights and punching the heavy bags. They did not look at all like boxers! I asked Mr. Tanner, and he rolled his eyes.

These nerds! I love ‘em and especially their money. But you know, I didn’t run this club for forty years for people like them. Do you see me going down to Palo Alto and trying to do computer shit? I teach boxing and physical fitness. That’s it!

To find out more, I spoke to two sweaty members, who were sitting on benches outside and checking their phones.

Chad Freude (not his real name) said,

As soon as I heard about Tanner Gym, I thought, That’s for me! I’m sick of those little douchebags hogging the benches while they stare at their <expletive> phones.

I asked Mr. Freude if it bothered him to be out of touch with his family and friends while he worked out. He said, emphatically,

<expletive> no! Those <expletive> people can damn well wait until I’m done. If it’s really an emergency, they can call the club and have them get me. That hasn’t happened yet. Wonder why!

While I was talking to Mr. Freude, another member Liz Tennup (also not her real name) came over and offered her opinion:

My mother-in-law threw a hissy fit when I told her about this place. But it’s just SO nice to have an hour all to myself where she can’t bother me. And don’t even get me started about my kids!

I asked Ms. Tennup if she didn’t feel any need to see what’s going on in her social networks. She laughed,

At first I did. Then I realized that it’s all garbage and my life is better without it, at least for an hour. Now I’m thinking of getting off them altogether.

While we were talking, other members streamed out. All seemed extraordinarily blissful, if that’s not too much editorializing on my part.

A Contrary View

My editor always insists that I talk to people on both sides of an issue, and I realized I wasn’t going to find anyone here who didn’t like it. So later on, I went to a Planet Fitness center and walked around. As Mr. Freude had said, many of the benches were occupied by young people staring at their smartphones and not using the equipment.

I waited outside and stopped a group of three teenaged girls as they were leaving, and asked how they felt about Tanner Gym. They hadn’t heard of it, so I explained how it works. They were incredulous. One said,

Is that even, like, legal? It sounds so, I don’t know, medieval!

Another nodded and added,

This is 2024. How can you even live without WeChat and Instagram?

I tried to continue the conversation, but they walked off and all seemed to reach for their phones at once, as though for reassurance.

How It Works

Many fitness centers try to “control” smartphone use, with rules mandating that phone calls must be conducted only in the lobby, earphones must be used for music and entertainment, no photo-taking permitted, etc. etc. In Japan, mobile phones are simply not permitted in most gyms.

These rules don’t work in America. The addiction is so strong that people sit on the benches staring at their phones, keeping others from using them; or leave them face up on the floor while they do pushups; and so on. In other cases people simply ignore the rules and carry on loud conversations directly under the signs forbidding it. Mr. Tanner’s staff always dreaded confronting the scofflaws, who invariably got angry about it. He pointed to the sign near the door, which just said, “No phones. They don’t work in here anyway.”

Tanner Gym had to rebuild almost completely and it used the opportunity to install the Faraday shielding. Air conditioning and ventilation systems had to be specially constructed so that they didn’t “leak” electromagnetic signals.

I asked Mr. Tanner if there were any legal issues about blocking phone signals, and he got tight-lipped. I later found out that a number of tech companies were lobbying the FCC to clamp down on them, but Tanner Gym also has its own deep-pocketed backers helping out with legal fees.

He also surprised me by saying that some of their newer members and financial backers were themselves tech executives! I asked if I could interview any of them, but he said firmly that he values members’ privacy too much to allow that.

Conclusion

Is Tanner Gym onto something? Here in the heart of Silicon Valley, the place that brought us smartphones, are people finally sick of them? I spoke to some venture capitalists who, it was rumored, were planning a chain of Faraday Cage fitness centers. They declined comment.

Appendix

(This is a spoof, of course. There is no such Tanner Gym, although there ought to be.)